Is It Fine to Be a "Sugar"?

There is a particular type of women which is called "sugars". They are "soft and fluffy" and prefer not to argue or quarrel with anybody. They worship the man beside them and are willing to share all the interests of their beloved one. How do men and psychologists regard these women?

Mary T.

If a person sacrifices something, that means that he or she wants back something more necessary and important. "Sugars" sacrifice their individuality, their feelings and wants. What for?

All "sugars" are unlike each other and their demands are also different. Some "sugars" are by far not as harmless as may seem at the first glance. The thing is what is hidden under their sugar-like sweet appearance. And, you know, it may conceal whatever the things can be, either shapeless jelly-fish mass or sharp poison spines.

Water Takes Its Shape from The Vessel

This subspecies of "sugars" is relatively harmless. They are not rather energetic or demanding. All they need is a possibility to "bask" beside an energetic, but somehow diffident person. A man who tries to overcome his psychological complexes regards such a woman as a real gift from heavens, which makes him feel strong and confident. However, this idyll would not last long. A joke says: for certain, it is pleasant when someone catches flies at you for a day or two. But when the third day comes you will rather say "Shut your mouth. That's it!" But sugars like that would not even feel insulted about it and would not be in anguish at you. There are plenty of men who lack self-confidence and sugars will never have troubles with finding a new one. They float their life from one island of diffidence to another. Maybe, it is a kind of mission intended for them to make the men a little bit more manful. The thing they can get in return, although for a short while, is such an essential for them charge of vital energy.

A Devoted Rescue Worker

"Sugars" of this type suffer a kind of "necessity complex" rooted in lack of parental affection in childhood, especially on the part of the father. These "sugars" want to be significant and useful, that is why they dedicate their life to solving others' problems. They often try to release a man from criminal dependability or alcohol addiction spending all their efforts, time and even money on that. However, the "salvaged" for some unknown reasons would not marry them, but rather return to his ex-wife or make a proposal to a friend of the "rescuer". There are a lot of Sugars who make homebred psychics, healers, impersonal amateur psychologists and dating service workers who failed to settle their own private life. Is it impossible indeed to fall in love with such a woman and truly love her for a long time? Of course, it is possible but your love to her would rather be a kind of love you feel about a failproof washing machine or multifunctional vacuum cleaner. We love people for the things we have done for them. A "sugar" of this kind will never let you do anything for her. She regards it as invasion of her privacy, although herself she often applies her measures to somebody else's life in the process of "rescuing".

"We Ploughed Together!"

Women like that have a preference for bright, dedicated and active people. You can see them beside politicians and businessmen, actors and musicians, scientists and artists, band or company leaders and other crowd pullers. They are always forward to share their men's interests and to support their ideas. At the first glance they look like faithful soul mates and "companions in arms" who are willing to follow the way they have chosen to the end of their life. However, in fact, these "sugars" easily change their lights and find new objects of admiration, if their "idol" looses his enthusiasm or gets into trouble. A lot of men regard their willingness to share partner's interests as a real spiritual affinity and sometimes may seriously love them. However, as soon as they realize that the main goal of such a woman is to bask in their companion's glory and grab a sufficient credit for his own achievements, they turn their love into squeamish dislike or even explicit hatred.

Iron Fist in a Velvet Glove

Among "sugars" there are even those who are well-trained in manipulating people. They use their "softness and fluffiness" to subordinate the person completely. Bowing down ear to every word of her husband and indulging all his desires, such a "sugar" rarely expresses her requests. The man just cannot turn her down unless he feels a selfish bastard. At the first gaze it seems that such a woman is bound up in you and it is you who comes round only from time to time. But if you take a more scrupulous look on the situation, it will soon turn out to be that all her concessions concern insignificant little things, while you often have to go against yourself in some vital issues. In the course of time, this feeling of discontent grows and results either in apathy, depression and drinking or in outbursts of uncontrolled fury and even rough physical assaults.

Avoiding answering for all men, I will state it personally for myself. The thing that I most of all appreciate in a woman is her individuality and soleness whatever she would be. And it is not just about women. A person beside you is a door that leads to some different world rather than a mirror that reflects your own one. Is it fine to be a "sugar"? Ask "sugars" themselves and you will see.